My soul searching adventurous trip

The more i run after something , the further it goes away. Finally i give up n it keeps coming back. So ideally i should stop following in the first place if eventually it has to come back to me .. But isnt it quite contrary to the " Secret " belief ? Such are the wierd experiences of life.

I had always been longing to go out alone somewhere randomly without anyone's knowledge. So i happened to do it this time, well 2-3 people knew though ( Of course for safety reasons ). There I landed in the city of swank, city of CWG, city of bling ..Much to people's surprise, I am pretty comfortable travelling alone n spending time with myself. I dont have any qualms about having to have lunch/dinner alone at any restaurant : could be a sidey joint or could be the 5 star.. So there on the first night I rushed away to the gali of food paradise, a gastronomic delight ofr foodies. I was at the parathewali gali in Chandni chowk. I had assumed it to be like one of those joints that i see back here in Gujarat, but it proved to be much more like a sidey dhabaa where i cd see abt 50-60 guys hanging out for those yummy parathas !!!! Some were college going students, some were arty type guys , some were rockstars n yet some were those who couldnt afford more than wot this small joint offered at such low rates n phuntastic food :) Gorging on my parathas with butter n chai at the wee hours of morning , I felt this is what my life should be.. High on adrenaline, doing things at random hours , living each moment, not concerned of what;s happeneing next !!!!!

End of Day -1

Day -2 started with a sumptous breakfast n lazyn away my time in the luxury of my room. Janpath started calling me by afternoon . The ecelctic handicrafts, tie n dye stuff, batik work, railways station clocks, ole gramophones, ancient telephones ...all these odd stuff always manage to take my breath away. So i spent almost the entire evening basking in the pleasure of being in a different world , different crowd n yet a part of it.

Day -3  Though it was not meant to be a solo trip , but like I said , i dnt get what i follow, so i ended up in a solo trip eventually. The entire day I relaxed in GK and M-block, again shopper's paradise :) Late night I was travelling to Ajmer n here comes the hitch .. Funny as I am n this tendency to attract all adventures !!!
So here i started frm GK to go to Delhi Cantt at 7 50 pm n btw my train was at 8 30... Comes in ancient 1940's taxi , a old sardarji about 70 years of age to my rescue ( atleast thats what i thought of when i sat first ). n here the journey started at the speed of not less than 25 !!!!! Well I managed to reach Station at 9 10 pm.... I was soooo furious , i missed my train , but doesnt it happen that sometimes when u r soo angry , u just lose it n laugh out.. hence , i thanked Sardarji for dropping me safely :))

The station was no less!! My adventures continued with sitting for 2 hours with 3 drunkards , ( Of course i couldnt keep standing for 2 hours ) ,My train was after 2 hours. I got general compartment tkts n shit scared that i was sitting alone n stranded on the Delhi station, I kep thinking about this Bitch called " LIFE ". Eventually the train came n i traversed 6 Sleeper compartments carryng my luggage only to find the AC compartment door closed,and so i got down at the 1st station. By the time i could pick my bags n reach the AC compartment , the train's whistle blew!!!! I ran n there i see a guy who gave his hand like the Famous Shahrukh Khan in DDLJ :) Well i just gave him my luggage n entered in the AC .. Tears formed a film in my eyes ,&  i was searchn for TT.. Finally after requesting I got a ticket n thankfully reached safely to Ajmer !!!!!!

Day 4: Ajmer was the best part of my journey.. The palatial hotel n my room came across as the major comforter!!! Beautiful pastel flowery wall papers decorated the Kind sized room with beautiful paintings and hand painted ceilings ... I felt so much relaxed n uhhh so sheltered . More so i remembered my St.Albans home in UK. That is one feeling which I can never let it go from my heart. I felt so much at home there !!
Well So eventually I had a company n we went to Ajmer' s garib Nawaz prayers. It is by far the most pious place I have seen. The moment I enter its premises , I feel a sense of belongingness and bliss.
From there we went to Pushkar , the only city in the world with Brahma temple besides the one in Bangkok..The city of colors, the city of beautiful tribals, city of hippies, n yes the city of dope !!! I loved that place to the core . I wish I could have taken my camera to capture the surreal , eclectic , vibrant energies there .. This was the last lap of my deemed solo journey.

After this 4 days of different experiences, I came back rejuvenated. I chucked off things that were bothering me, chucked off things and people over whom I had no control. I decided to come back again to life and be my charged up self. N here I am writing a blog , expressing myself once again in the usual high on energy spirits :)

What i learned from this trip and during my contemplation was more dearer to me. I realised once again , I was trying to hold on to people whom I soo loved dearly. But it so happens that people dont necessarily feel the same way about u . It causes so much pain, its beyond comprehension. The restlesness caused by this was so intolerable that I had to do something about it . Hence this whole idea about running away smwhr unknown came. The good part is I found a tiny bit of myself back and i decided to let go off those who wouldnt come back and move on .. Move on once again in the darkness searching for that flicker of light who might promise to be with me !

Finding peace amidst the chaos

Chaos prevails. Here , there, everywhere i can look around or is it that my mind looks for chaos around? Someone had pointed what u think, shall u stumble upon each day. Ever wondered , one day u learn a new word and in the coming days u keep finding that word every now n then being used either in ur social circle or in newspapers or on TV!! We attract what we think and here we were finding that word, eventually the word keeps coming back .. So does it happen in case of emotions. Fortunately or unfortunately I have realised that I keep looking for chaos everywhere n so there i keep bumping into it again n again. A very sweet Friend, whom i met recently, derives her inspiration from the chaos in the life.

That is when i thought of looking at this differently. The chaos that I keep attracting keeps my curious, restless side of Gemini on the go. My mind keeps shuttling at an infinite speed between the real and imaginary world. The twins start talking , one convincing and the other dissuading. And through these 2 , I become a company of my ownself ! I wonder how many people do something like this.. So here I have been trying to achieve some peace amidst the continous chaos by tapping my restless side and creating a busy world. Sometimes ,the feeling of what is coming next being totally black ,is so clear that u stop worrying about the next step and live by the moment : and yet sometimes that strange feeling to know whats actually happening in that blackness makes u go chaotic again.


All i can think about is Buddha's saying about awareness :
" Peace is not to be practised: it is a by-product of awareness. Love is not to be practised: it is a by-product of awareness. Righteousness is not to be practised: it is a by-product of awareness."


And hence awareness is very important . But isnt it so paradoxical that we try keeping ourselves aware of what is but are totally unaware of what may come. Well I keep getting confused between the periods of present and future and of what is and what isnt. I m not sure whether everyone feels this way or if they do , do they really introspect and if they do , do they really express??

2 minds

Its been an eventful month from setting up the place to inaugurating to attending clients..Everything seemed new n fresh. I realised once again that I am a people's person N have this insatiable desire of interacting with people and knowing things on daily basis. Is it me or is it gurlie thing to let ur heart our atleast to one person daily. My talking skills literally amaze me as i can go on and on about any topic for hours togther. Just a week back we all were sitting at the "Jhoola" of dasada resort and discussing on how art & culture can influence our very being. I know of a lovely friend who has done Arengetram , Mime at national levels , theatres n stuff but i could never make out from interacting with her. She would never highlight these talents. I find it very difficult though to contain myself:) If i m even planning to do something its out n open to all. The thoughts in my mind are out loud and clear.
Has anyone been through this? 2 clouds forming in ur head : One says, Dont even look there, he isnt worth it, Second says, babes just chill n enjoi??:) well they dont leave me here. the conversation keeps goin
Cloud 1: He is so cool , i wish i could date him ..
Cloud 2: Uhh he is unreachable, in the end might turn out like others
Cloud 1: Shut up, why do u need to compare always
Cloud 2: I m cautioning u, stay away
Cloud 1: What lotion should I apply today
Cloud 2: Biatch, we r talking about the guy, whr does this lotion come from
Cloud 1: Oh i was thinking vanilla would be good ? wot say? of course to impress him
Cloud 2: Wot vanilla? u like vanilla , does he like, narcissist of the first order

Phew can someone stop these 2 talking ???
This is not one moment... these 2 keep talking in my head throughout the day whnever i am silent. Rest all think that I am contemplating on something serious. Where do they know, My mind keeps talking, I just listen to the one that wins the conversation which again depends on my mood... Did u forget? I am a gemini, dual characteristics:) Miss gooody goody at one time, Naughty to the core on the other hand..

Now bth of them have come to a mutual consensus that i am just typing away anything n hence stop stop stop...